the wedding scam
Dear Annie: My son is getting married in November. As the groom’s parents, we assumed the cost of the tuxes for the groomsmen was on us, but the bride-to-be says the groomsmen should pay for their own attire, and the money we would have spent on tuxes should now be given to the bridal couple to help pay for the reception. This is our first child to marry, and we are in uncharted waters. What are we supposed to pay for? — Midwest Mom
Dear Mom:
Weddings are an excuse for greedy kids to loot their parents. If someone came up to me and said “Give me ten to fifty thousand dollars for my special day or I’ll hate you forever,” I’d urge her or him to go fuck themselves. “You can go fuck yourself,” I’d say. Maybe that’s not how most fathers would handle it, but they can go fuck themselves.
I’m impressed with how the bride-to-be gave with one hand and took with her other one. “You don’t have to spend all that money on them; give all that money to me.” I’d like to have her on my side, but I’m afraid it would cost me, and I’d be too stupid to see the hammer falling.
But we need to fix your problem. Your problem is that she’s already asked you for the money and you didn’t immediately strike her. Your options have now become more limited. One option that I see is to tactically check yourself into a mental institution until after the ceremony. It’s 90% sure she won’t follow you and your purse into “Garden Havens.” And she’s not likely to take advantage of her deranged mother-in-law-to-be because of societal constraints. Always try to have society come down on your side.
The other option, if you’d rather not be labeled psychotic for the rest of your life, is to take that money you would have spent on tuxes and go to the casino. Lay it all on ‘black.’ If you win, you can turn over half the cash to the greedy little urchin without it putting the slightest dent in your pocketbook. If you lose, you can start treatment for your gambling addiction. Even the greediest of brides is likely not to ask too much of a mother-in-law who’s receiving treatment for a gambling addiction.
–Annie’s Mailman
Dear Mom: You are not obligated to pay for the groomsmen’s tuxes. According to Emily Post, the groom and his parents are obligated to pay for the rehearsal dinner and the minister, but not the reception. However, none of this is written in concrete.
Often, the groom’s side will pick up the tab for the liquor and/or the band, and sometimes, everything is split right down the middle. In other instances, the bridal couple pays for the entire shindig without any help from Mom and Dad. You need to discuss the financial arrangements with your son, his bride and her parents before someone’s expectations get out of hand.